In my discussion with small groups today I realized that I don’t like creating an image that distinguishes figure and ground through typical uses of color and shapes. I think the reason I have started creating images in such a geometric way is because there is more room for the figure ground relationship to change. This is partially why I am attracted to Picasso, Frank Stella, and other cubist/modern artists. Their work creates more complex relationships that can stand as both figure and ground elements within their work. There are other reasons why I like their work but in more of a formal way I think this is why I am interested in that style.
So through recent studies I have found that I am trying to tackle all of the issues of my project at once. I need to slow down. Studies are Studies for a reason. There are a few key elements to the work that need to be worked out before I can begin thinking about more complex relationships. For instance, the color in my recent studies has been at random and as a result it is ruining a lot of feeling and intelligence to the work. I have always enjoyed working with color but for some reason I brushed it aside and I am upset that I did that. Color will be a key element in creating relationships between figure and ground that I have been talking about. I want to watch out for using color in typical ways to create these relationships. I think I need to do some very specific color studies and then begin working on the larger composition. Also the use of pattern or drawing within the color fields will become important. It seems to be effective in my previous work where as solid colors in recent studies have become boring. The use of the solid color fields makes me feel like I am just going through the motions of creating a pretty image.
So now it comes down to my subject matter. What am I doing with my work? I have come to realize that the objects I have chosen are less random than I first thought; especially the rifle. This object relates strongly back to my childhood and how I was raised to think. I think we have all posed the question: “am I a result of the way I have been raised or do I have independent thoughts that have made me who I am today?” The work I am creating has become an exploration of that question.
Being at U of M I like to think that I have become more independent and have been able to question a lot of social norms that I don’t agree with. Actually I have tried to question everything and put it into perspective outside of a social context. Becoming a vegetarian, and recently becoming a vegan, has been a result of making a personal choice. I don’t think I really understood the significant of making a personal choice or what it really means to do so until recently. Choices like these define independence and ones sense of moral obligation as a human being.
So my original idea steamed from one of the professional practice lectures. In a note-taking exercise I found myself pondering the reason for creating relationships between two extremes. The relationship can only exist when both extremes are present. For example: our threshold of pain and pleasure. I have never broken a bone in my life therefore I can’t perceive how much that might hurt. The most physical pain I have endured has been related to some sort of burn or cut which in my mind is probably less painful than having a bone broken. Through my experiences with pain, I have created a sort of scale that can give my brain some type of prediction as to how much something will hurt, but the scale is limited because I have no experience of the pain of breaking a bone. So the goal of my artwork is to help create new ways of evaluating this scale. Rather than having the scale be something that is physical, it will be something social and cultural (something that can be open for interpretation). In comes the idea of independent thought and free will.
Freeeeee will...I have had some conversations about this subject. It is tricky because it is hard to accept the fact that we may in fact have no free will. I think it relates very strongly to the idea of independence and moral obligation. So here is what makes the most sense to me…. Essentially we don’t have free will. Our actions are ultimately decided by every past experience we have had in our life. We have no control at the beginning of our life as to whom we meet, what we interact with, where we live, when we live and how things happen determine how we will make choices. I’m not saying that we don’t have the ability to challenge what we have been taught, but I am saying that the act of challenging what we were taught is the result of former experiences forcing us to make that decision. I do see the existence of independence through questioning and analysis, but I also see very heavy influence coming from uncontrollable variables that make us think and act the way we do. My becoming a vegetarian was in response to the people I have met in my life and the reason I met them is because I decided to go to Michigan, I decided to go to Michigan because of its presence in my life while I was growing, it was present in my childhood because my parents decided to live in Michigan…. and so on….
I want to create a piece that is challenging and thought provoking. I want the work to bring the viewer into a new context that questions the social norm (not to determine if something is right or wrong but to provoke analysis). I want to create new ‘scales’ that define the relationship between objects and I want to do this all in a way that explores new ways of creating figure ground relationships. The piece is leaning more and more towards an installation. In the spirit of challenging social norms I think I need to challenge the medium in which I am working.
So I believe I have decided on my subject matter. It is related to my experience growing up with my family. More specifically the type of experience I have with hunting. This is where the image of the rifle was derived from. Although I am working on becoming a vegan, I don’t see a lot wrong with hunting. Its benefits have more to do with social values rather than the act of killing an animal for food.
I guess the best way to describe this would be portraying my experience of killing a deer. I have only killed one deer in my life and I had the chance to let it live. I don’t regret killing the deer but I don’t feel good about it either. I view it as a valuable life experience that I have learned a lot from. Basically it was the last day for me to hunt and I was alone in my blind without anyone near me for at least 2 miles. I was communicating with my father and brother through walkie-talkies so I could really tell them anything I wanted to. When the deer came into my sight it was the first buck I had seen in the wild while hunting. I didn’t have a permit to kill a doe so this was my only chance. I watched the deer for a while contemplating whether I should even tell my father or brother about it. If I were to tell them I knew I would have to kill it, but I was ready to kill it. I knew what I had to do and in a way I felt like it was what I was supposed to do. So I told them that the buck was in my sight and I shot it. Watching the animal die was a sad thing to see but I didn’t feel guilty or like I had made the wrong decision.
Now I am a vegetarian/vegan for far different reasons than killing the deer. In other words I didn’t kill the deer and say I feel terrible I’m never going to eat meat again. Despite the fact that they derived from very different situations, they are so closely related in the context of my life. They are two very extreme ends of the spectrum and I am surprised that I have experienced both. The ‘scale’ between the two has become complex and unclear. I’m hoping the installation will help me understand the relationship between these dramatic points in my life but also help create new ways of thinking about them both for myself and the viewer. Charlie brought up an interesting point in that artwork can’t really solve anything but it can offer insight. When I finish this piece I can’t expect to be at a point where I completely understand why I act the way I do, weather or not I am a product of the way I am raised. The process of art making is the process of redefining these thoughts and constantly questioning myself and the social/cultural aspect of my life.
